Peace

For the past few years we have been hoping to have another baby.  I have posted about this before, but I have relearned another lesson and I wanted to share.
Wanting something with all of your heart and not receiving the blessing is hard.  We have prayed together, we have prayed alone.  Several times I have felt such an overwhelming sense of joy and peace.  In those months when I have felt this way, I have automatically thought, "Yes! We are finally going to be blessed with a child."  Then several weeks later we experience heartbreak.  It has seemed to be a vicious cycle to me.
I have questioned why I would feel so good and feel such peace in my heart and mind.  In May I experienced that feeling again.  But this time I was leery to trust the feeling.  Okay, leery isn't really the right word - I felt annoyed by it!  I was so frustrated when I felt so happy and at peace (strange that I could be so hard-headed to actually be frustrated at feeling happy, right?) that I said right out loud while praying alone, "Oh no!  Not this time.  Don't just give me this feeling if it is really not going to turn out the way I want it to turn out!"  (Yes, I do really talk to Heavenly Father and say really how I feel.  If I can't tell him, who can I tell?  I am thankful that He loves us enough to listen to every shout of praise, every heartbroken sob, every tiny detail of our lives, as well as every tantrum that I throw.)
As I was praying about not wanting to receive that peace any more, I received such a wonderful answer.  In my mind there was a review of the past many, many months.  As my mind reviewed those months, I realized that the only way I was able to cope with the heartbreak was because of the peace that He blessed me with in the previous weeks.  Heavenly Father wasn't telling me that I was going to get exactly what I wanted, He was telling me that He would be by me through this time.  He would strengthen me; He would send His comfort.  He knows what is ahead and if we accept His peace and guidance, we will be blessed with all that we need in order to come through the difficult times of life stronger.  I know that I am His daughter, that we are all his children, and that He loves us all.  I am so grateful for His peace!